My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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