2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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