They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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