Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
