i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize