I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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