Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
