I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
