My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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