the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
