Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Couch. On fire.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
