I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
