check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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