Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Boobs are out for the taking
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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