If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
