if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
