two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
did i just pee glitter
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
