i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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