I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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