he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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