i permit you to call me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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