just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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