Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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