Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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