If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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