Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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