Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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