Pappa wants mamma naked
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
