Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
