i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize