oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
