I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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