you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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