Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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