the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know her cup size but not her name....
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