i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
