still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
