I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
