It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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