You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
