420 ftw
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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