So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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