Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
