shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
