Porn is love you can see.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he shaved USA in his pubs
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
