so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
