The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
