Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
