we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
