I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize