State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
