i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
