I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize