You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
