Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
