Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
