Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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