It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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