If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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