I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
