So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
