census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
