Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
