Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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