the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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