my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your penis caused this!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
