if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
