Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
