Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
