Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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