Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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