Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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