Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize